When You’re in the Middle of Your Feelings
We all do it. Allow our feelings to get in the middle when we should be finding our focus. I’m not saying don’t pay attention to your emotions. Just that there are choices we can control despite our feelings.
Feelings follow choice. That’s something that I remind myself all 👏the 👏time. Especially when I find myself in the middle of a project or task, and I’m lost for focus. It’s awesome when you are in the flow and can be found in your focus, but when you’re lost for it, not so fun. Listen, trying to find your focus while you’re in the middle of your feelings is hard.
Oh, sure there are plenty of people and resources out there to tell you how you should get out of this miry middle of your feelings place. Even I have written and spoke about being in this place of stuck. And honestly, many of that advice, tips and tools are not wrong. But that’s not where we should be found spending the bulk of our time when we find ourselves lost for focus.
Searching for the answer is good. Obsessing over finding someone to give you something that you yourself can be the only one to answer, not so much. You know what I’m talking about, anything from googling your problem, buying yet another course, resource or book, to joining/following yet another social media group/expert. Again, those are all fine and good when…when they align with what you’ve already discovered to be true about you and your current feelings.
The problem and the solution
Knowing what you are looking for and what you know to be true about you and your current feelings can sometimes be worlds apart. We search for answers “out there”, but rarely look “in here”.
Ah-ha! Therein lies the problem and the solution my friend. How hard have you researched, studied and put in the work on YOU? (by the way, this is as much for me as anybody) As someone who has bought, followed, traveled to conferences, trainings and events to the tune of thousands of dollars over the years, all in hopes of finding “the answer” to my problem at hand, I get what you may be thinking. Or dare I even say, feeling?
Hear me out on this one, as someone who has taken way too long to accept this fact – the problem and solution are both mine to resolve, I understand.
Think back to how many courses, resources, seminars, etc. that you have invested in. Got ‘em? Now, how many of those looking back now, were actually life-changing? Before you jump to defend your answer, really think if they made you feel like your life would change or your life did change as a result?
So many of us are caught in this place of being in the middle of our feelings and it’s so not helping us find our focus!
Catching the difference when falling into your feelings more than your focus.
There’s a difference that many of us fail to catch at the moment. The moment that we are all in the middle of our feelings. The feelings of this is it, this is the missing link, this is what I never knew I needed…
How many times have you made these purchases and attend these events? All in hopes of finally being told what your problem is and then expect to be handed the solution. We all go in with a feeling that something is wrong and leave with the mentality of we’ve just won a one and done solution.
But then we wonder why the “solution” didn’t work. Why it wears off, or worse, we feel like we were sold to more than we were helped. Now we’re mad at ourselves, the person we thought was supposed to help us and the resource that we tried (once) and it didn’t work. Any of this striking up a feeling in you? I know I’m cringing, because I’ve been there, done that, more than several times.
Finding Your Focus
The only way that I’ve learned to change this pattern is to literally find your focus. Sounds patronizing at this point, but allow me to explain. You know you better than anyone. You know your hiding places, your patterns, favorite procrastination tactics, the lies you tell yourself and your favorite people and circumstances to blame. I know mine too.
The difference between knowing all of this about yourself and how it keeps you distracted to the point of being more in your feelings than your focus, is owning it. Ouch! I know, but where there is no pain there is no gain my friend. The irony is that we seem to love pain. At least when it comes to why we feel we’re not where we should be by now and who or what is at fault.
Oh sure, we can pick up our martyr mantle quickly and lay blame on ourselves, but yet we still fail to make any necessary changes. In other words, we fail to do the needed inner work. The work needed in order to show what we want to see on the outside.
Something and someone you find when you focus
For me, that truth about who I am and that alignment has only been found in one place…the Bible. You know, Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth? But even with that, I have to be careful not to believe more in the Bible more than who the Bible is about!
Not to go off on a tangent or rabbit trail here, but since I brought it up, I at least want to maybe throw some things out there to you. One, for those who are among the camp, the Bible is a history story/lesson, yes, but oh, so much more than that. It’s God’s love letter to us. And oh, the love that He has for us! Go ahead, read it all – I dare ya!
When I’m in the middle of my feelings and have trouble finding my focus, the Bible is my go-to and #1 resource.
We’re so good at going “all in” aren’t we? We allow someone else to tell us about: us, our problem and the solution that we need. And they’re giving us exactly what we want. Especially when we are caught in the middle of making a decision between sitting in our feelings and finding our focus.
But you have to ask yourself:
Do I want to feel good hearing all of this?
Do I want to feel good because I’m doing what it takes to see the results being offered?
One keeps you from progressing, the other is a catalyst to your progress.
As entrepreneurs, business owners and service providers, it is our job to:
- Identify with our assignment. (those are the people that were meant to find us to help them). Speak to them in a way that relates to them and their issue at hand.
- Clarify our understanding of the problem they are facing and
- defining a solution that we can provide.
We (businesses) to go “all in” assuming that they’ve done the self pre-work. We expect that when they come to us they are ready. Ready to commit to putting in what it takes to get the result from our product, resource or service.
It’s not about the help, tools and resources you seek, but your focus behind why you are seeking. How honest are you with yourself as the reason behind spending your time and money on “that solution”?
The only way it (your “it”, by the way) will work is if you show up. Show up as who you are and where you are right now. Come to an understanding that this isn’t the solution, but rather, knowing that it aligns with the work you are doing right now. It also confirms the amount of time (and money) you’re willing to commit to. Commitment should be reflected in the reward your work will bring.
I kicked this piece off by saying that feelings follow choice. I’ll close by saying that feelings can lie, but our choices do not. Choices show what it is that we are committed to feeling. My hope is that this becomes the resource that helps you next time. The next time you find yourself caught in the middle of your feelings instead of the flow of finding your focus.
working to stay in the flow of my focus in spite of my feelings right there with ya,
👆Don’t mind the teary eyes in this picture – it was just after I finished my 1st rough draft of my book!🙌 Hence, why I’m back to new blogs – woo!hoo!
Other resources you may like:
Listen to the podcast version of this post. It’s episode #65
The sticky truth about feeling stuck podcast. It’s episode #56
Mood Swings video